Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
