i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
