I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Even my vagina gasped.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
