C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
