That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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