do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
