we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
