I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
