Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
