i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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