Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just invented taco cereal.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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