I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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