hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
