just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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