Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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