Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
