Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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