Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
