The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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