I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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