Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
