It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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