I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
