please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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