Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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