I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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