wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
