Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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