you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he fucked my hip out of place.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
