I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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