yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
