how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
