my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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