OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
