she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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