i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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