I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
