Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
In America we eat man semen.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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