Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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