when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
