my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
