Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
