Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
