I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
