My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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