my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
