I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
