i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
