When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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