I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I forget how to act sober
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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