Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
