when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
